My Rationale
a brutal welcome
Welcome friends. When I first mentioned I was starting a blog, I didn’t get an enthusiastic reply. If you were that friend, don’t feel guilty. It’s not like people on the street these days are asking to read self-promotion in paragraph form. And with access to perpetual distraction in our pocket, we hardly have the attention span to read body language. So why a blog?
Since my senior year of high school, I have compiled personal epiphanies from my lived experiences that serve as a repository of wisdom and a proxy of growth on a document averaging 50 single-spaced pages every year. Journaling gives me the chance to let some ideas run wild off their leashes and put them to the test against real arguments others propose.
A virtual “second brain” I created on my computer using an app called Obsidian has further offered me the chance to “link my thinking,” as I recognize the patterns and nodes at which certain concepts converge. The logical culmination of these separate writing modes is one that combines the two: a blog. In short, I can’t keep myself from writing. So, I’m sharing my inner world in writing for the same reason Eric Liddell runs in Chariots of Fire: “I feel God’s pleasure.”
Also, blogging is boring enough that only those who actually care to know me will interact with the content and digest / metabolize it for themselves. And yet the vast appeal of video and photo media poses me, the author, with the challenge of writing something people will actually want to engage with more than an Instagram post, something actually worth grappling with. I enjoy that challenge.
If I was an inherently good talker, I would probably start a podcast or teach a communications course. A good videographer: a YouTube channel. Writing is just what comes naturally to me. PSA interruption: give your innate gifts the channels and developmental constraints / riverbanks to express themselves by starting small. Trivial, even humiliating, progress is still progress.
But JoHo, if you can journal and quench your thirst for writing on a private platform like Google docs, why would you start a public blog? This is a good segue to my second reason behind the rationale: accountability.
It is already easy enough for us to lie (to ourselves and each other) about what our lives are like on social media using omission and exaggeration. If I’m forced to put my thoughts to words, I can train integrity. I am much less likely to stroke my ego or yield to ideological fantasies when I have to do so in public. Plus, I put more effort into writing things I know someone will be reading.
This blog is internally motivated and sustained. But, I want new branches of collaboration to sprout because of this forum and my friendships with readers to strengthen based on feedback that pushes us to ascend to new degrees of flourishing in our lives. By publishing what I write, I hope to engender some accountability in my life, namely, accountability to truth-telling that will help everyone flourish. Submitting my internal world to the scrutiny of the external eye will hold me accountable to truth even if someone is not present to rebuke me or suggest otherwise.
Lastly, I hope that the outcome of this truth-telling will be the enrichment and blessing of your life. I am writing publicly in the hopes a friend finds solace and personal discovery (or even the gumption to start their own creative space). Yes, I used the word gumption only because I love it. I wouldn’t say that downloading content onto a public platform that I wrote 5 years ago requires a lot of gumption or is especially gutsy or daring. But, I will say that I will be happier looking back on my life that I did.
Again, the public exposure is a peripheral goal because this blog is for my personal development (sorry reader). And yet, there is a little part of me (something inside all Americans I think) that holds out on the fantasy of fame, the thrill of manifest destiny, the possibility that our work becomes “viral.” This blog is not the seed of some pipe dream I have to be the next Mark Manson or James Clear. But, I do have bigger hopes for this platform than I probably should. I know I’m crazy. But I also know I’m not alone. The serial entrepreneur, self-promotion phenomenon is pervasive at a deeper level than TikTok (spoiler alert: because of our lack of contentment) and I think it’s worth talking about. So check out my first post (followed by one on gambling) »
I’m not shooting down the possibility I end up on The Today Show because of this blog. But I want to clear all thoughts from your mind that that is my goal. However (and this will probably be another article entirely), I’ve wrestled with the idea that much of our speech is often self-justification. Sanctimonious piety is one of the things I most loathe in myself and others. Am I trying to invent a noble purpose for this half-delirious crusade of a blog to exonerate myself from impure desires for fame and wealth? Who knows? (One of the things my college roommate and I considered placing above my doorframe was “put the fun in profundity.” I have a problem you guys.) I apologize if Substack tried to extort you for money. I am not able to remove the paid subscription option.
Now a bit about the title. It is misleading because I will NOT be posting on here daily. But what is a blog without a few wildly misleading clickbait titles? The paper you see on the main dashboard did reside above my bedroom doorway in Houston for the last year. Yes I did print out “manna for the day” in Arial font. Yes, my dental student roommate probably wondered what sort of Amish freak I was becoming. And yes, it was a life-saving reminder.
Amidst medical school applications, interviews, beginning adulthood and a new job I was under-qualified for, planting roots in a new city, taking on adult tasks and conversations I had never prepared for, associated day-to-day novelty and the destabilizing chaos that ensues, I felt like I was in limbo, like a wanderer.
Truthfully, I was, and I could have easily told people I was drowning. In my stupidity, I did not heed that wisdom. Instead, my way of coping with instability was to finesse every single detail about my future, which, being inherently unpredictable and fickle, left me with an even more intense feeling of angst, dread, and apprehension about it.
This debilitating cycle reinforced itself until, after another phone call with my parents about the frightening nature of adulthood, my mom suggested I stop trying to live in the future and simply eat my manna for the day.
The phrase “manna for the day” is an extrapolation of Exodus 16 where the Israelites, instead of asking God for food, begin grumbling about their life in the desert, their future lot, and their longing to return to Egypt. God provides them food - manna and quail - but only a day’s portion, their daily bread. (One of my favorite verses in the entire Bible comes from this same account in Numbers 11 where Moses questions God’s ability to provide meat for the people. In the third-person the Lord speaks: “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”)
The wandering of the Israelites described my limbo phase well. Each day I attempted to collect more than my daily bread, I engaged in the futile act of self-sufficiency and resisted the dependency I was designed for.
You may not be experiencing the vertigo a young man has when he decides to stubbornly isolate himself from help in an attempt to be self-sufficient. But, everyone will experience or has experienced seasons of “limbo” and uncertainty.
Consider this forum manna for your day; manna for the day we occupy - between yesterday and tomorrow - and manna for this Day - this age of uncertainty so we can become who we want to be (and your update on JoHo’s life that makes you a little leaner, meaner, and more informed than your Instagram feed).
If nothing else, we are all becoming something. And we won’t become who we want to be on accident. A little quote from me in your inbox could certainly be a part of what pulls you out of a pit of despondency like the one I found myself in and pushes you toward the person you want to be. I admire the investment in yourself to read this far and hop on this adventure of self-discovery.
For others wanting to write publicly or for those who already have, leave a comment explaining your rationale. What would be different from what I described? What would be the same? What would you add? Do people even need a creative space to flourish as humans? For those who want to spawn a creative forum, but haven’t yet, what is stopping you? The difficulty was entirely mental for me. Go for it. You’ll have something to laugh about when you’re older.